自從幾天前，我就睡不好。一些聲音像是揮之不去般，環繞在我的耳朵裡。
下午還幫媽媽去挑鞋子，想著晚上要跟她吃飯，再怎麼忙的事情都要排開。可是媽媽還是永遠都只提弟弟，永遠嘴上都只問弟弟，說家裡都沒人提醒他去睡覺，晚上沒有飯吃，為什麼學校老是在學期末給他命運一擊。
心情就此低落了。我忍不住一直反駁，因為我們的確是有照顧他的，我中午也是做了飯給他吃，我能敲他的門跟他說話，我都會。甚至禮拜五，我媽希望我回家陪弟弟，因為爸爸不在，我也不在，他一個人在家很可憐。我沒回去，於是我周六回家做了些滷雞腿、茄汁蝦子、韭菜炒豬肉、牛排、涼拌白筍、炒磨菇，還幫他刷浴室跟洗衣服，把衣服全晾起來。
怎麼說呢？
這些事情都是我國中開始，都自己一個人做的，洗衣服打掃照料自己，自己讀書考試準備出國，自己旅行煮飯，開始學著照顧另外一個人。可是媽媽老是只跟我說，小茵，媽媽不是比較疼弟弟，是因為你比較讓人放心。為什麼我比較讓人放心，值得得到的就是你對另外一個人的關心？難道以前我就都有人告訴我該早點睡，都有人固定煮飯給我吃嗎？難道我國中高中不是在更不穩定的生活底下生長過來的，你有對當時的我說過這樣的話嗎？
我怎麼可能不照顧弟弟？我在國外的時候，從來沒忘記要幫他買東西；上班之前，家裡有菜就會幫他跟他女友做飯。媽媽跟我一起上超市的時候，儘管會提醒我要買自己喜歡的，不必只買小威喜歡的，要我多為自己想。可是她分明每一次都幫他把沒辦法負責的事情都怪到家庭身上，好像這個家徹底地遺棄了他。
其實沒有，其實我也是一直這樣活過來的，我沒有比他得到更多。對的，小威告訴她，回家的時候，有時爸爸都在隔壁幫弟弟妹妹洗澡，媽媽覺得這話聽起來很可憐。可是我會走過去跟他們打招呼，或者有時我也會安靜地回房間。
然後通常這時候，我媽又要告訴我那是個性上的差別。我根本不想多加辯論，因為那是一個很可悲的事實，我體認到這件事情，知道她把他藏在羽翼下藏得多緊，而我只能遠遠地站著看而已。
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Thursday, 14 April 2011
wedding fever
from FarFetch blog
Wedding Fever
Unless you’ve spent the past few months living under a rock you may have noticed there’s going to be a big wedding in London on April 29th. Understatement of the century. Seemingly the whole Western world, and particularly England, have been gripped by such wedding fever that you’d be forgiven for thinking it was the single most important event in the universe to have happened ever. It has temporarily taken over from the Olympics as the national obsession.
The bunting is literally flying out of John Lewis, both British Vogue and Sunday Times Style dedicated entire issues to the Royal Wedding and when it comes to who will be the designer of the hallowed dress, well, let’s just say that such suspense has not been experienced since Who Shot JR?
And whilst here at farfetch.com we’re as pleased as the next person to be given a day off in the sunshine (please!) and an excuse to drink in the afternoon, it has to be said that we’re kind of more excited about the Summer nuptials of Kate Moss and Jamie Hince (can you imagine that party???!)
But it would be churlish not to get involved at all so we’ve decided to celebrate with our favourite wedding dresses ever. No doubt Middleton, the latest object of pop culture’s affections, and her special day attire will go down in the history books, but as these ladies prove, she has some awfully tough acts to follow…
Brigitte Bardot
Given that Bardot was the original sex kitten she was hardly going to get married in your typical demure gown, but her adorable gingham dress when she married French actor Jacques Charrier was more modest than you’d expect from such a bombshell, with its high neckline and girlish pattern. But the dress’ nipped-in waist and bold, untraditional colour (it was pink) kept it quirky, and it remains a really interesting choice even today, when pretty much anything goes.
Carolyn Bessette Kennedy
Carolyn Bessette Kennedy (or CBK to her hoards of worshipping Park Avenue Princesses) was the American equivalent of Princess Diana. A beautiful, stylish blonde who won the heart of John F Kennedy Jr (the closest the country ever came to a crown prince), she was an aspirational role model and fashion icon to a nation of women, who, like Diana died tragically early in an accident (in a plane piloted by her husband, who also died). Unlike Diana, her wedding dress was the epitome of understated elegance and taste, a simple ivory slip dress that skimmed that body perfectly.
Bianca Jagger
It wasn’t the white tuxedo that most people think, but there’s something even cooler about Yves Saint Laurent customising his trademark Le Smoking into a chic white skirt suit for you, as he did for Jagger for her wedding to one of the world’s premier rock stars. Her attire has since spawned thousands of copies, from brides hoping to channel her effortless, laid-back approach to the big day.
Plum Sykes
Sarah Burton, head designer at Alexander McQueen is the current bookies favourite to be the designer behind the Middleton dress, and if she is indeed doing it, Middleton deserves far more sartorial respect than we thought, particularly if the label’s previous wedding gowns are anything to go by. When author and Vogue contributor Plum Sykes got hitched, the late designer himself created her dress, and admirably for a man so associated with the avant-garde, refused point blank to make a ‘trendy’ piece, as she requested, stating that your wedding wear needs to be timeless, and as the only day in your life when you can totally get away with wearing a 25 foot train, you simply have to have one. The result was exquisite, and yet more proof that McQueen was no one-trick pony when it came to genius design.
Grace Kelly
As the world-famous movie star who married the Prince of Monaco, Grace Kelly’s wedding was met with a level of hysteria that rivalled that of our own Royal nuptials. The entire thing played out like a fairy-tale, and fittingly, her elaborate dress was made by a team at MGM studios headed by Helen Rose, who created the costumes for some of the dreamiest musicals on the big screen. Given the buzz around the wedding and the state importance of the occasion, Kelly could have gone much more ostentatious with the dress, but instead it looks even more timeless for it’s simple shape, leaving all the drama to the intricate, elaborate beading and lace.
Gwen Stefani
With a reputation as a fashion maverick, the pressure was on Gwen to pull something totally individual out of the bag when she wed Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale, and she more than delivered in her pink dip-dyed Dior gown, custom made by John Galliano (pre-scandal of course) and now residing in London’s V&A Museum. Pink wasn’t the obvious choice for the singer of a band that flits between post-grunge and ska pop but the directional shape of the dress gave it edge, and Gwen looked radiantly beautiful.
The bunting is literally flying out of John Lewis, both British Vogue and Sunday Times Style dedicated entire issues to the Royal Wedding and when it comes to who will be the designer of the hallowed dress, well, let’s just say that such suspense has not been experienced since Who Shot JR?
And whilst here at farfetch.com we’re as pleased as the next person to be given a day off in the sunshine (please!) and an excuse to drink in the afternoon, it has to be said that we’re kind of more excited about the Summer nuptials of Kate Moss and Jamie Hince (can you imagine that party???!)
But it would be churlish not to get involved at all so we’ve decided to celebrate with our favourite wedding dresses ever. No doubt Middleton, the latest object of pop culture’s affections, and her special day attire will go down in the history books, but as these ladies prove, she has some awfully tough acts to follow…
Brigitte Bardot
Given that Bardot was the original sex kitten she was hardly going to get married in your typical demure gown, but her adorable gingham dress when she married French actor Jacques Charrier was more modest than you’d expect from such a bombshell, with its high neckline and girlish pattern. But the dress’ nipped-in waist and bold, untraditional colour (it was pink) kept it quirky, and it remains a really interesting choice even today, when pretty much anything goes.
Carolyn Bessette Kennedy
Carolyn Bessette Kennedy (or CBK to her hoards of worshipping Park Avenue Princesses) was the American equivalent of Princess Diana. A beautiful, stylish blonde who won the heart of John F Kennedy Jr (the closest the country ever came to a crown prince), she was an aspirational role model and fashion icon to a nation of women, who, like Diana died tragically early in an accident (in a plane piloted by her husband, who also died). Unlike Diana, her wedding dress was the epitome of understated elegance and taste, a simple ivory slip dress that skimmed that body perfectly.
Bianca Jagger
It wasn’t the white tuxedo that most people think, but there’s something even cooler about Yves Saint Laurent customising his trademark Le Smoking into a chic white skirt suit for you, as he did for Jagger for her wedding to one of the world’s premier rock stars. Her attire has since spawned thousands of copies, from brides hoping to channel her effortless, laid-back approach to the big day.
Plum Sykes
Sarah Burton, head designer at Alexander McQueen is the current bookies favourite to be the designer behind the Middleton dress, and if she is indeed doing it, Middleton deserves far more sartorial respect than we thought, particularly if the label’s previous wedding gowns are anything to go by. When author and Vogue contributor Plum Sykes got hitched, the late designer himself created her dress, and admirably for a man so associated with the avant-garde, refused point blank to make a ‘trendy’ piece, as she requested, stating that your wedding wear needs to be timeless, and as the only day in your life when you can totally get away with wearing a 25 foot train, you simply have to have one. The result was exquisite, and yet more proof that McQueen was no one-trick pony when it came to genius design.
Grace Kelly
As the world-famous movie star who married the Prince of Monaco, Grace Kelly’s wedding was met with a level of hysteria that rivalled that of our own Royal nuptials. The entire thing played out like a fairy-tale, and fittingly, her elaborate dress was made by a team at MGM studios headed by Helen Rose, who created the costumes for some of the dreamiest musicals on the big screen. Given the buzz around the wedding and the state importance of the occasion, Kelly could have gone much more ostentatious with the dress, but instead it looks even more timeless for it’s simple shape, leaving all the drama to the intricate, elaborate beading and lace.
Gwen Stefani
With a reputation as a fashion maverick, the pressure was on Gwen to pull something totally individual out of the bag when she wed Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale, and she more than delivered in her pink dip-dyed Dior gown, custom made by John Galliano (pre-scandal of course) and now residing in London’s V&A Museum. Pink wasn’t the obvious choice for the singer of a band that flits between post-grunge and ska pop but the directional shape of the dress gave it edge, and Gwen looked radiantly beautiful.
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
outfit diary 1
look bad without any make-up, but I love my sheer cape.
vintage sheer cape from ebay.com, jeans from whistles, cashmere jumper from Uniqlo, leather platform from miu miu.
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
obsessive images
for these days, those images are haunting in my mind and keeping urging me to have a short haircut.
Demi in 90s
Wynona without any scandal of stealing.
Angelina in Girl Interrupted, an insane girl with extremely short fringes.
totally a grunge icon
nude
Sunday, 10 April 2011
最近看的電影
其實這陣子看了不少片
the secret diary of Anne Lister, Don't let me go, 第四張畫，當愛來的時候，king's speech, Rosemary's baby, 慾望法則、業餘小偷、Woody Allen之前出的新片
越看越發覺得橫豎是做電影，有些人就是能做得淋漓盡致，有些人卻可以縫縫補補就推出一部片。以前陳傳興老師總是說，沒有什麼不好看的電影，他什麼電影都能看，就像什麼故事你都願意聽一樣，只是好笑的、驚悚的、商業的，甚至動畫的。
可是年紀越大，越覺得拍電影這件事真不能夠馬虎，就好比說，woody Allen早期拍的Manhattan、Annie Hall、性愛寶典，到上一次的whatever works,再到最近這一部，我相信不僅是觀眾疲乏，對於情節、場景、對白，我也能感受到他垂垂老矣，快要了無生氣剩一副骨架子的感覺。即便是中期所拍攝的［業餘小偷］，都要好上太多，至少他的幽默趣味、想諷刺布爾橋亞同時也想暗諷暴發戶的主旨，尖酸刻薄的tone，仍然鮮明。
又好比說，阿莫多瓦，早年拍慾望法則，把男男之間有點粗拙的情愛給拍得很糾結，安東尼奧班德拉斯一張標準西裔臉孔跟愛恨分明的性格，再加上八０年代的穿著，裏頭最後是看不到什麼女人，因為許多女性角色根本也是男人變性而成的女人，始終沒人得到愛。他們在被捕捉前的最後一小時做愛。沒什麼比這樣的道別還要更好的結束了，但那些過程並沒有被記錄，我們不是真正去再一次體驗肢體之間的親密，而是記得離別時，即便纏繞著太多複雜的情節，卻依舊悲傷。這讓我想起［高跟鞋］裡面，最後也是安東尼奧班德拉斯在床上，高跟鞋的故事都快忘個精光了，卻一直記得女人好像開車去哪裡找安東尼奧，而他正在床上。
對我而言，安東尼奧、阿莫多瓦，其實都在電影流逝的一格格底片裡最好，如果沒辦法再有跟時代俱進，並且一樣精緻的電影，那也不如不要做了，別跟Woody Allen以及Polanski一樣。
分明Polanski的Rosemary's baby是一部那麼棒的電影，每一個部分，剪接、運鏡、配樂、選角、角色的穿著、人物走位、場景設計，都恰如其分，更不用說Mia Farrow大概就只有這部片最適合拿出來說嘴，在裡面宛如脫俗的天仙，所有平胸的女孩都應該拿她當範本來打扮。從頭到尾沒有什麼叫人害怕的場景出現，可是我跟陳為樂就是被唬得一愣一愣，總杵在一個緊繃的狀態，我又一邊忍不住暗地讚嘆連裡面老太婆都穿得好時髦。可是，the ninth gate就變得非常淺白而且無味。我看Polanski電影看得不夠多，但單就the ninth gate而言，有了強尼戴普加持也沒有辦法挽回整部片沉瑣無趣，大概最恐怖的部分就是化妝跟配樂吧。
至於第四張畫，當愛來的時候，king's speech，我得說鐘孟宏每一部電影我都很喜歡，這部長片又特別能有餘韻繞樑的感受，不像［停車］難免有點短片的味道，第四張畫點出的，是台灣隱藏的許多痛楚，好比說大陸新娘來他鄉居住、家暴、父母親因為工作而沒法教育孩子所造成的影響、因為貧窮而必須要忍隱的悲哀、台灣小居民與大環境不景氣的影響。不單單帶有一些廣告片比較意識性的畫面，場景架構跟分鏡本身，每一張都能成為一副畫，他把悲傷平凡的故事寄託在藝術畫面裏頭，我認為把電影，這個藝術媒材的意義，表達得最恰當不過。也幸好他還是找了像納豆這樣的角色，來提味，好像就真讓那股過於悲傷的氣氛給沖淡了些，能在憂愁之間穿插笑聲。
當愛來的時候，張作驥本持著台灣本色，一樣在拍台灣市井小民的故事，連女主角都是一個名不見經傳的女孩（後來竟然也就被吉本興業簽下）。這次改說女人的故事，好像在講，女人牽引著女人，她們都在同一個地方生下孩子，都在同一個地方必須學著堅強，男人最終都只是離去。我喜歡這個故事，它是一個能夠帶給觀眾力量的電影，儘管他不一定讓你發想思考許久許久，可是這電影其實老少皆宜，情節會發生在每一個人生命周遭，那家裡的布置也好像自己老奶奶的老家一樣熟悉，有點像更加熱鬧的侯孝賢。
有鐘孟宏跟張作驥，就可以繼續期待明年會有更精彩的國片推出。
the secret diary of Anne Lister, Don't let me go, 第四張畫，當愛來的時候，king's speech, Rosemary's baby, 慾望法則、業餘小偷、Woody Allen之前出的新片
越看越發覺得橫豎是做電影，有些人就是能做得淋漓盡致，有些人卻可以縫縫補補就推出一部片。以前陳傳興老師總是說，沒有什麼不好看的電影，他什麼電影都能看，就像什麼故事你都願意聽一樣，只是好笑的、驚悚的、商業的，甚至動畫的。
可是年紀越大，越覺得拍電影這件事真不能夠馬虎，就好比說，woody Allen早期拍的Manhattan、Annie Hall、性愛寶典，到上一次的whatever works,再到最近這一部，我相信不僅是觀眾疲乏，對於情節、場景、對白，我也能感受到他垂垂老矣，快要了無生氣剩一副骨架子的感覺。即便是中期所拍攝的［業餘小偷］，都要好上太多，至少他的幽默趣味、想諷刺布爾橋亞同時也想暗諷暴發戶的主旨，尖酸刻薄的tone，仍然鮮明。
又好比說，阿莫多瓦，早年拍慾望法則，把男男之間有點粗拙的情愛給拍得很糾結，安東尼奧班德拉斯一張標準西裔臉孔跟愛恨分明的性格，再加上八０年代的穿著，裏頭最後是看不到什麼女人，因為許多女性角色根本也是男人變性而成的女人，始終沒人得到愛。他們在被捕捉前的最後一小時做愛。沒什麼比這樣的道別還要更好的結束了，但那些過程並沒有被記錄，我們不是真正去再一次體驗肢體之間的親密，而是記得離別時，即便纏繞著太多複雜的情節，卻依舊悲傷。這讓我想起［高跟鞋］裡面，最後也是安東尼奧班德拉斯在床上，高跟鞋的故事都快忘個精光了，卻一直記得女人好像開車去哪裡找安東尼奧，而他正在床上。
對我而言，安東尼奧、阿莫多瓦，其實都在電影流逝的一格格底片裡最好，如果沒辦法再有跟時代俱進，並且一樣精緻的電影，那也不如不要做了，別跟Woody Allen以及Polanski一樣。
分明Polanski的Rosemary's baby是一部那麼棒的電影，每一個部分，剪接、運鏡、配樂、選角、角色的穿著、人物走位、場景設計，都恰如其分，更不用說Mia Farrow大概就只有這部片最適合拿出來說嘴，在裡面宛如脫俗的天仙，所有平胸的女孩都應該拿她當範本來打扮。從頭到尾沒有什麼叫人害怕的場景出現，可是我跟陳為樂就是被唬得一愣一愣，總杵在一個緊繃的狀態，我又一邊忍不住暗地讚嘆連裡面老太婆都穿得好時髦。可是，the ninth gate就變得非常淺白而且無味。我看Polanski電影看得不夠多，但單就the ninth gate而言，有了強尼戴普加持也沒有辦法挽回整部片沉瑣無趣，大概最恐怖的部分就是化妝跟配樂吧。
至於第四張畫，當愛來的時候，king's speech，我得說鐘孟宏每一部電影我都很喜歡，這部長片又特別能有餘韻繞樑的感受，不像［停車］難免有點短片的味道，第四張畫點出的，是台灣隱藏的許多痛楚，好比說大陸新娘來他鄉居住、家暴、父母親因為工作而沒法教育孩子所造成的影響、因為貧窮而必須要忍隱的悲哀、台灣小居民與大環境不景氣的影響。不單單帶有一些廣告片比較意識性的畫面，場景架構跟分鏡本身，每一張都能成為一副畫，他把悲傷平凡的故事寄託在藝術畫面裏頭，我認為把電影，這個藝術媒材的意義，表達得最恰當不過。也幸好他還是找了像納豆這樣的角色，來提味，好像就真讓那股過於悲傷的氣氛給沖淡了些，能在憂愁之間穿插笑聲。
當愛來的時候，張作驥本持著台灣本色，一樣在拍台灣市井小民的故事，連女主角都是一個名不見經傳的女孩（後來竟然也就被吉本興業簽下）。這次改說女人的故事，好像在講，女人牽引著女人，她們都在同一個地方生下孩子，都在同一個地方必須學著堅強，男人最終都只是離去。我喜歡這個故事，它是一個能夠帶給觀眾力量的電影，儘管他不一定讓你發想思考許久許久，可是這電影其實老少皆宜，情節會發生在每一個人生命周遭，那家裡的布置也好像自己老奶奶的老家一樣熟悉，有點像更加熱鬧的侯孝賢。
有鐘孟宏跟張作驥，就可以繼續期待明年會有更精彩的國片推出。
jefferson hack
SX70 Jefferson x colette
Published 1 month ago
Dazed co-founder Jefferson Hack collaborates with colette for a new mix compilation featuring the likes of Junip, Boys Noize & Erol Alkan
- Text by Dazed Digital
In collaboration with Parisian superstore colette, Dazed & Confused co-founder Jefferson Hack has compiled a new mix for their CD series. Entitled SX70, the album features an eclectic variety of artists/bands/producers from Junip, Marianne Faithfull, Boys Noize & Erol Alkan, to Bauhaus or The Glimmers. And it's not only the music that impresses; the CD is artwork was created by Parisian art agency M/M, making the mix a collaborative effort combining all fields of creativity.
Dazed Digital: How did the collaboration with colette come about? What do you feel you brought to the series?
Jefferson Hack: I was doing mixtapes for friends as presents and Sarah heard that I did this and liked what I was playing so she asked me to do one for colette. I love her vibe and the shop so I felt honoured to collaborate. I wanted to make the mix tape feel really personal as if it was made for a friend or a lover. Something personal and private and commercial. I went out of my way to not use obvious songs or if they were then find original versions or ways of using them that felt personal.
DD: Why is the compilation called SX70? A reference to the iconic Polaroid camera?
Jefferson Hack: The reason it's SX70 is because its a reference to the polaroid - which captures a moment in time and becomes an archive of a mood or emotion. And it sounds sexy - I like the way it sounds best.
DD: What is it that links the variety of tracks/artists chosen? Do you feel there is a distinctive flow to them or are they there each to stand on their own?
Jefferson Hack: I made it quite mid-tempo throught so its good to listen to during the day and at night, before going out or when you come home. I would say listen to it walking to work in the morning so you face the day with a sense of adventure.. Or on long plane journeys to cheer you up and make you feel less alone in the world.
DD: Having a deep interest in music, such as through DJing yourself, have you ever wanted to produce music too or considered starting a label?
Jefferson Hack: I always felt like starting Dazed & Confused was like being in a band we just expressed ourselves in design and not in sound but its still a performance and an attitude and a search for a truth, at least the way we defined it to ourselves... Apart from that yes I always was inspired by Malcolm Mclaren...
He was a great producer and artist..
DD: Who are your favourite new acts of the moment?
Jefferson Hack: Wait for the next compilation - maybe if Sarah let's me ill do one with all new/unsigned acts that would be fun...
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